The inspiration for this dessert actually came from Housekeeping Appreciation Week. Since our team was only 22 people, it was actually a doable task to make something for them. I wanted to make something amazing for the housekeeping team that works hard to make sure that our guests don’t realize that our hotels rooms have been turned over and used more than the last condom in a frat house on a drunken Saturday night. So thank you, housekeepers, for making sure our guests don’t realize right away, if at all, that they’re sleeping in somebody else’s sloppy seconds. You’re welcome for destroying any future stays in hotels. Anyways, onto the cake, assuming you still have any appetite left! For the cake, I went with tres leches, because at the hotel I work at anyways, the team is predominantly Hispanic. Before you call me racist, I made sure and asked like a quarter of the team for their favorite dessert, and they said tres leches. So suck it, you presumptuous dildo.

Moving on, I wanted to make it fun and appealing to a larger audience, since again, that was only what about the 1/4th of the team I actually interacted with said, so I wanted to pair the milk cake with cookies. I know for a fact that nobody can deny liking cookies. So I went with a tres leches cake, using soy, malted, and condensed milks, with coconut macaron, chocolate chip cookies, vanilla cheesecake mousse, and a chocolate milk pastry cream. All of these flavors go together, so I figured, why not roll with them? A fun fact, the idea for the cookies came after I finished preparing the entire cake and realized that my chocolate pastry cream looked like actual shit because of the color, so I had to cover it up the best that I could with something, and that’s when the idea to make cookies, with dough infused with the residual tres leches mixture, came from.

For the cake:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup self-rising flour
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
3 tablespoons white vinegar
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1 /2 cups milk
3 egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
a pinch of salt

Whip egg whites, baking soda, vinegar, vanilla, salt, and 1/3 cup of sugar until stiff peaks form. Sift the flours together. Combine ingredient. Pour into two separate lined sheet trays and bake at 350 degrees F for 25 minutes. Cool completely. For the top tier, cut out three circles using a 6 inch ring mold. For the bottom, cut out one perfect circle using an 8 inch ring mold. Reserve the scraps to be your bottom-most layer.

For the soaking liquid:
1 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk
1/4 cup malted milk powder + 1/2 cup water
1/2 cup soy milk

Combine ingredients and pass through a sieve to remove lumps.

For the cheesecake mousse:
8 oz. cream cheese
1 cup heavy cream; whipped stiff
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup water
2 packets gelatin powder + 1/4 cup water
a pinch of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Bloom gelatin then add into water with the sugar. Bring to a simmer. Cream the cheese with the simple syrup, vanilla, and salt. In another bowl, whip the heavy cream until stiff. Fold into the cream cheese mixture and keep at room temperature until it is time to assemble. Should the mixture set, whip up 1/4 cup more heavy cream and fold that through the mixture until softened again.

For the pastry cream:
5 egg yolks
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips
1 1/4 cups soy milk
1 packet gelatin powder + 1/4 cup water

Bloom gelatin in water then simmer in the milk. Cream together the egg yolks with cornstarch, sugar, and cocoa. Finely chop the chocolate chips. Pour half the warmed milk mixture over the chocolate chips and egg mixture, then mix until combined. Pour back into the rest of the milk mixture and whisk over medium-low heat for about 5 minutes, or until the mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon. Pass through a strainer to remove any lumps then allow the mixture to sit at room temperature until it is time to assemble the cake.

For the coconut macarons:
2 egg whites
1 1/2 cups shredded coconut
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
a pinch of salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar

Combine ingredients. Spread onto a lined sheet tray and bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes. Cool completely before breaking apart.

For the cookies:
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cups dark chocolate chips; chopped
1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
a pinch of salt
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 tablespoons of the soaking liquid

In a bowl, cream together the butter, sugar, baking powder, salt, and vanilla. Then add in the eggs and soaking liquid. Mix together then fold in the dark chocolate chips and finally, the flour. Using a small ice cream scoop, scoop out the dough onto three lined sheet trays and bake at 350 degrees F for 15 minutes. Cool completely. Optionally, you can cut the edges using a ring mold to guarantee perfectly round cookies.

For assembly:
Reserve about 1/4th of the pastry cream to put into a piping bag. Line both ring molds with parchment. For the base of the cake, you’re going to start by pressing the cake scraps into an 8 inch ring mold, then pouring in some of the soaking liquid. Add in 1/6th of the cheesecake mixture, then 1/4th of the macaron crunch, then 1/3rd of the pastry cream. Add on the perfect round, then add in more soaking liquid on that layer, then spread another 1/6th of the cheesecake over the top of the cake to form an even layer. Freeze that portion of the cake solid for easier transfer. For the remainder of the cake, you’re going to start with the bottom layer in the lined 6 inch ring mold. add in the soaking liquid. Then layer in another 1/6th of the cheesecake, then another 1/4th of the macaron, then another 1/3rd of the pastry cream. Repeat this again for the second layer. For the last layer, start with the soaking liquid, then spread on the last of the cheesecake mixture. Finish on top with the last of the macaron crunch. Refrigerate this tier until it is fully set. Once both layers are set, first unmold the bottom tier. Then, carefully unmold the top tier, and then transfer onto the bottom layer. Using pastry cream, pipe the cookies onto the sides of the cake, using butchers twine if necessary to keep the cookies on there. Garnish the top of the cake with cookies as well.