“Am I going to die?” – My sister’s reaction to eating/hearing about namelaka cream for the first time when eating this particular dessert

Since this needs to be established first and foremost, no, you cannot die from eating namelaka cream. Unless somebody has poisoned it or tampered with it or you choke on it, or you’re allergic to chocolate. Okay, so you can die from it, but not typically. Shut up, and stop questioning me, binches. Anyways, namelaka cream is a chocolate cream made with heavy cream. It gets its name from nama chocolate, which is a fresh, luxurious ganache, from which this cream is derived from. It is basically a hybrid of ganache and pastry cream. I just like using that name because it’s super pretentious sounding and it makes me feel oh so muthafucking fancy. But back to the dessert.

I had about half a bottle of red wine I needed to use, so I decided to use that in a chocolate cake, with miso and walnuts. Yes, it’s fucking weird and not a combination you would ever see in any application outside of Chopped, but the red wine does accent the chocolate in a very lovely way. It also gives the cake a really soft finish. I paired that with simple chocolate ganache, because I wanted to make sure that there was something saucy, since we all love saucy chocolate cakes. I mean, we should. If you don’t, you can go back to whatever boring hell hole you crawled out of, you bland-ass heathen. So if you want to indulge in some hot brown on brown on brown action, please feel free to make my dessert. And if you don’t, then again, refer to the crossed out comment above.

For the cake:
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup red wine
1/2 cup soy milk
2 tablespoons miso paste
1/3 cup canola oil
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips; melted
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Combine ingredients. Pour into a shallow baking tray and bake at 350 degrees F for 25 minutes. Cool completely and cut into cubes.

For the namelaka cream:
1 cup dark chocolate chips
1/3 cup soy milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 1/4 teaspoons gelatin powder +  1 tablespoon water
1 egg
a pinch of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Bloom gelatin in water. Melt into soy milk. Temper into the egg and dark chocolate. Whisk on medium-low heat until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon and for the chocolate to fully melt. Strain. Place into a mixer and whip until the mixture has increased by at least 1.25x in volume. In a separate bowl, whip heavy cream to stiff peaks with salt and vanilla. Fold together with the whipped chocolate mixture. Transfer to another bowl, place clingwrap on the surface of the mixture and refrigerate.

For the ganache:
1 cup soy milk
a pinch of salt
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips

Bring milk to a simmer and add in dark chocolate and salt. Melt completely.

For assembly:
Place ganache, then namelaka, then cake on a plate. It’s really not that hard.