Chocolate-bourbon-coffee cake

I dub this cake my “adulting” cake because it consists of two things I often need or want in my life: coffee and booze. I also made the cake look really drab and compact, to symbolize how being an adult is not as wonderful and exciting as people would expect. It’s honestly boring. Is that too dark to say? Well if it is, you’re a pansy and you are more than welcome to leave the planet or marry rich, because that is the reality that is being a working class human being on Earth. The truth bomb aside, this cake also kicks the nail on the head for everything I love about a chocolate cake. It is dense, fudgy, and definitely not too sweet. The Colombian coffee and bourbon make sure that is the case.

The different layers we have here are a dark chocolate cake, coffee chocolate pastry cream, and a bourbon chocolate glaze. There really is no escaping the chocolate here. Also, this is the perfect cake to serve Mormons, because they’ll shrivel up and die. What? I think it’s funny. People who overreact and say that coffee is poisonous cannot be friends with me. Refer back to my comment about pansies. No tolerance for them here. Either get with it or leave. I’ll hold the door on your way out. Anyways, my obvious dislike for the extremely religiously-sheltered to the point of uneducated and idiotic aside, this cake, despite its boring af appearance, is a good time, kind of like me. And it repels Mormons. Again, kind of like me. This cake is my soulmate and spirit animal, and if you like chocolate, booze, and coffee, it can be yours as well.

For the chocolate cake:
2/3 cups dark chocolate chips
2 egg whites; whipped stiff
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
3 tablespoons unsalted butter; melted
a pinch of salt

Melt down the chocolate with the butter. Combine ingredients. Pour into 4 inch cake tins and bake at 350 degrees F for 25 minutes. Cool completely. Cut in half.

For the Colombian coffee-chocolate pastry cream:
2 egg yolks
1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons Colombian coffee
1/3 cup dark chocolate chips
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cups heavy cream; whipped stiff
a pinch of salt

Melt down the chocolate with the coffee, sugar, and water and whisk in the eggs. Cool down to room temperature. Fold in the heavy cream. Layer between the cakes and refrigerate. I recommend keeping the cakes in the tin, lightly oiled, when you’re doing this so that you can layer on a lot of cream.

For the bourbon-chocolate glaze:
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
3 tablespoons bourbon
2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Melt down chocolate chips and butter together. Add in the bourbon. Glaze the tops of the cakes with the glaze.

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